The Biggest Things I've Learned from Age 20-30

4/30/2019

Seeing as I will be turning 30 in just a few months, and I'm getting ready to dive into the metaphorical river of true "adulthood," I decided it would make sense to write down some of the biggest things I've learned over the past decade. From going to college to starting my own business, hiring employees, getting married, and having a dog and two cats (one of whom has sadly passed away), I've definitely learned a lot!

I think the four most important distinctions I've made so far are the following:

Stop being distracted by shiny objects.
Enjoy life now and stop putting it off until later.
Use money for what I love most.
Push past my comfort zone.

The funny thing? I learned these all within the past six months. And since learning them, a lot has changed.

1. Stop Being Distracted By Shiny Objects

As a young millennial, my number one priority throughout my twenties was this: Become Rich & Famous.

Luckily I'm not obsessed with this idea anymore, but this insane hunger for success had led me to read tons of books, buy all kinds of courses, and constantly look for the next big idea that could make me successful. It was great at the beginning because it led me to start this business, but then it quickly turned into my Achilles heel.

My hunger for success caused me to become obsessed with finding the next shiny object, and it distracted me from following through on anything worthwhile.

At one point, it got so bad that I randomly wanted to completely leave City Headshots to try to become a famous PGA golfer! So absurd.

It's funny because it seemed that the more things I learned, the less I followed through. The more marketing strategies I read about and the more business development courses I took, the less I did to actually grow my business. I would literally start implementing a great idea and three days later, I'd come up with a new idea, and would abandon the first one completely!

It took me about nine years to break the habit, and I have Ramit Sethi to thank for that (I wrote a funny blog post about him called "Ramit Sethi: Mean Rich Guy or Genius?" that you might be interested in checking out).

But now that the habit is [mostly] dead, I realize how important it is to SLOW DOWN. I can't do everything at once, and if I try, I'll wind up doing absolutely nothing.

I've become much more methodical in my processes and I now take plenty of time to make decisions and act on them. There is no race! No one cares how rich or successful you are, or how old you are when you reach your goals. What matters most is that you stay true to what you care about and follow through on those things, otherwise you'll accomplish LESS!

2. Enjoy Life Now and Stop Putting It Off Until Later

We only have one life to live, and we often become so obsessed with working towards goals that life winds up passing us by.

The sad part about my perverse obsession with fame and success is that I almost completely missed enjoying my twenties! I spent every day working like crazy to grow my business (which didn't even grow by more than 20% throughout all 10 years), and when I look back at my social life then, I realize it was almost non-existent. I don't have many friends, I don't have many college memories, and I didn't have many fun, life changing experiences - besides my own wedding and some amazing trips with my wife.

Honestly if it weren't for my wife I probably would have gone insane years ago.

Here's a quote I think would be perfect here:

"Being busy is a form of laziness. Lazy thinking and indiscriminate action." - Tim Ferris

It's important that we stop spending our time making ourselves busy by obsessing over little things like arguments with people, stressful days at work, and spending three hours on the phone on a beautiful Saturday afternoon fighting a $15 internet surcharge, etc. We need to just relax and enjoy life.

I recently heard a story about a guy (let's call him Peter) who's father worked so hard when he was just a young boy that they hardly got to see each other. The father's plan was to grow his business as much as possible until he could sell it and retire (he planned for age 53), and then he would spend the rest of his time enjoying life and relaxing. Peter didn't see his father at all for months at a time because he would leave before Peter woke up and get home after he went to bed.

Well, at age 52, Peter's father was diagnosed with ALS. And by age 53, he had died, never able to enjoy that retirement he'd be so looking forward to.

This story really hit home for me because from age 20 to 29 I had been working like crazy almost every single day, just like Peter's father. I would do shoots at the studio during the week and then work on weekends trying new marketing tactics. I'd even have my laptop out at night instead of spending time with my wife and animals.

I'm very grateful that I learned to slow down before jumping into that metaphorical river of adulthood I mentioned earlier. Otherwise I'd seriously be swept away by the current with non-furry kids (which we plan to have in the next year or so) and all the responsibilities that come with that!

Not only do I now have way more time to enjoy life, but I've also stopped chasing shiny objects. Because I'm no longer worried about some sort of imaginary time-limit on my success, I've been able to clarify my thoughts and have been way more effective at prioritizing and growing my business. We grow by 10% in just the last quarter of 2018, where, prior to me slowing down, the business had grown by just 2-3% per year!

Paretto's 80/20 rule states that for the first 20% of effort you put in, you'll get 80% of the results. And the last 80% of effort will only get you 20% of results. This rule can be seen in all different areas of life, from 20% of crops generating 80% of harvests, to 20% of clients generating 80% of revenue, and even to people using only 20% of their wardrobe 80% of the time.

Using the 80/20 principle, I now focus my time on the biggest ROI generating tasks. I look at all the things I could be doing and ask myself, if I could only do 1/5th of these things, which would make the biggest difference?

I've now deliberately set up myself so that I spend 80% of my time doing things I love or hanging out with family, and 20% of my time working on tasks that will generate 80% of growth for my business.

And the most amazing part is that I've found that when I work on those important tasks now, I do them much better than I used to because my mind is so clear. I'm excited to get those things done instead of feeling drained like I used to, and I think that's why the business is growing so much faster now.

3. Use Money for What I Love Most

Because of societal expectations, most of us are led to believe that we need to save up and buy a car, house, and many other things. We're led to believe that we should skip buying lattes so we can put the savings towards retirement.

Well, plan on skipping $5 lattes for 171 years if you want to save $300,000 to retire. Which, by the way, will probably not get you far!

One interesting thing I've learned is that buying a house is generally not a great investment - in many cases, it winds up being a liability that costs you money in the long run. If you look at the data, putting your savings into an index fund growing at 7% annually will often beat the returns you'll get on a house, plus you won't have to pay property taxes and upkeep, and if you ever needed the money for an emergency, it's much easier to access than if it were tied up in a house. I understand that some people want more space, but if you're just buying a house because you think it's a good investment, you should do some extra research!

So I'm now much more careful with where I put my money. Some people enjoy traveling, some enjoy food, and others love fancy things. Personally, I love convenience. And now that I'm aware of that, I've begun taking steps to allow myself to put my money towards things that bring such convenience.

For example, I came up with a rough estimate of how much money I could spend each month on cab rides, and it turned out to be about $150. So I set up a simple, free app on my phone that automatically adds $150 each month into an imaginary "envelope" that I can subtract cab expenses from. I no longer feel guilty if I decide I want to take a cab home from my wife's grandparents' house in Long Island if it's getting late. Sure it might cost $70 for an Uber, but who cares when I haven't taken a cab in a few weeks and there is $210 in my cab budget?

By looking at where I'm spending money and cutting out the things I don't care about (like cable television or buying alcohol when I'm out to eat with people), I can easily allocate that money towards things that make me super happy, like flying in an upgraded airline seat, hiring a maid to clean and do laundry for $120 per month (yes this is doable if you search Craigslist), or hiring a virtual assistant to save me time and do things I don't enjoy doing - like organizing events, booking flights, or taking care of other time-consuming tasks (literally costs me just $300 per month).

Don't get me wrong, I still save money like everyone else, but by not spending my money on things that my family and friends expect me to spend it on (like a house or cable), I'm able to allocate more to things that make me truly happy. And as I get ready to step into that metaphorical river of real "adulthood," I think this will be a great skill to have because it will give me much more control of my finances throughout life.

4. Push Past My Comfort Zone

I'm not about to talk about doing psychological things that frighten you (like laying down on the floor randomly in public or asking ten women for their phone number). That's what I always used to think "stepping out of your comfort zone" meant. But I completely missed the point!

I think everyone ought to do a self-assessment at least once a year.

What do I mean by self-assessment? I mean take an honest look at where you are in life compared to where you want to be, and see how much progress you've actually made within the past year or two. The results might freak you out!

Let me tell you a little story so you have an analogy.

About two and a half years ago, I started going to the gym. I would go almost every day, five days a week. Ultra consistent, tracking my calories, and within five months, I completely changed my physique and finally had abs!

But what happened over the course of the next two years? Well, I would bulk and cut, bulk and cut, change up my workout routine, and I really felt like I was making a ton of progress! Because weight lifting is a long and slow process, you tend to feel like you're progressing because you keep seeing the scale change and you change your workouts here and there, so it feels like you're getting stronger. I had no doubt I was getting bigger and stronger and would look amazing after finishing my next cutting cycle.

Well, I did a self-assessment on my weightlifting a couple months ago and that's when I realized that in two years of weightlifting, I had gained just ONE SOLITARY POUND of muscle. HOW AWFUL! A weightlifter with my experience level should be able to gain about 20-25 pounds of muscle in that time frame!

Upon noticing my lack of progress, I decided to check my workout logs and one-rep maxes. I realized that I had not actually been pushing myself in the gym and most of my one-rep maxes were exactly the same as they were two years ago. Because I had not been progressively lifting heavier weights (and instead would just change the exercise I did when it started to get too hard), I had not gained any new muscle to speak of.

At first I felt completely terrible, like I wasted the past two years of my time going to the gym. But then I felt happy that I noticed this now instead of five years from now. I realized exactly what needed to change, and I started pushing much harder and working on increasing those one-rep maxes. This all started about 3 months ago, and since then I have gained about 3 pounds of muscle in just 3 months!

Thinking about my business, I knew that it had stalled and stayed at almost the exact same level for the past 9 years, and even though I was doing all kinds of different tactics, nothing seemed to work.

I realized that, just like changing my workout routine constantly, changing my business marketing strategies and the services we were offering our clients too often was holding my business back from growing.

I know now that I really need to push myself outside my comfort zone if I want to grow. Rather than getting worried certain services or taking on too many clients would be too difficult, we are now saying yes to larger projects that are outside our comfort zone because we know that offering these services is what we need to do if we're to start growing again.

Originally I thought stepping out of your comfort zone only applied to growing as a person psychologically, but now I realize how vital it is in all areas of life. I need to face the things that scare me most and push past them. I need to stop changing tactics and trying something new whenever things get hard.